


It's the Choice You Make

by potooyoutoo



Series: Jedi Advisor AU [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Emotionally Repressed Fools, Frenemies, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Rav Bralor's Guide to How to be a Good CO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22864447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potooyoutoo/pseuds/potooyoutoo
Summary: 71 BBY - It’s been several weeks since Vau and Skirata returned from Coruscant and something is off. Rav decides it’s about time to get to the bottom of things.
Relationships: Kal Skirata/Walon Vau
Series: Jedi Advisor AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643533
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	It's the Choice You Make

**Author's Note:**

> First off, a hundred thousand thank yous to the wondrous [CasualThursday](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualThursday/pseuds/CasualThursday) for being an amazing editor, co-plotter, and overall good sport about my ridiculous obsession with these fools.
> 
> Second, there's quite a bit of Mando'a in this, most of which was enabled by the fantastic [mandoa.org](http://mandoa.org/) which is an amazing resource for anyone interested in cool made up languages.
> 
> Lastly, for some context, this fic is part of a wider AU in which the True Mandalorians made an alliance with the Galactic Republic which included having a chosen Jedi Advisor appointed to work with the Mand’alor. Not a lot of that actually impacts this fic, but the timeline for the AU overall does affect certain character ages and whatnot.

Rav stood back as her squad filed off the ship, eyes following Skirata and Vau from behind her visor as they pointedly disappeared in opposite directions. 

Hers was one of the best squads in the company with one of the highest mission success rates and lowest injury rates. She liked to think it was due to her training, but Rav was realistic enough to know that their success was mostly chalked up to their individual skills and their almost inexplicable trust in one another. When Krom had given her the rank of captain, Rav was honored and confused, uncertain in her own abilities to run a squad while still being relatively new to the company.

_ “Your squad is… a bit of a special case, Rav’ika. Trust me, you’re the only captain who could possibly help them reach their full potential. Trust yourself, and they’ll learn to trust you, too.” _

Krom had been right about the squad being a special case. Made up of ramikade who had either voluntarily left or been forced out of their previous squads, each and every one of them was headstrong, determined, and immensely skilled. Those first few months had been some of the worst of Rav’s life; between Vau messing with Skirata, Skirata trying to pummel Vau, Ahni refusing to speak to anyone, Tervho blowing up every other thing in sight, and the twins pulling a vanishing act every other day, Rav was pretty sure Krom’s little experiment was going to fail. 

And then came Vorpa'ya.

It was supposed to be a simple reconnaissance mission. Initial scouts had reported potential Death Watch activity in the northern reaches of the main continent. Krom sent Rav’s team to run standard aerial surveillance of the area and then a closer ground recon if it was deemed necessary. Turns out the scouts had been right about one thing: Death Watch was there, alright. What they hadn’t noticed, however, was that they had heavy artillery. When their ship was shot down, Rav had a moment of utter panic as she thought about what a disaster her team was, but she pulled herself together, thinking back on Krom’s words to her. Taking firm command, Rav managed to direct them to a relatively safe location where they could regroup and assess their situation. To her surprise, it was as if she were in charge of a completely different squad. Skirata and Vau moved as if they were completely attuned to each other’s thoughts. Ahni fed them a steady stream of tactical observations from a hidden lookout point. Tervho made excellent tactical use of explosive ordinance to lay traps for their Death Watch pursuers while the twins laid cover fire. When the operation was done, they had single handedly captured a mid-sized Death Watch outpost.

Over the years, they had only grown more in sync with one another. So, when Rav noticed a subtle shift in the squad’s dynamic, she paid attention. Their most recent mission had been run-of-the-mill, nothing that should have caused them trouble, but the whole job had almost blown up in their faces when Skirata had completely missed a check-in and nearly walked into a painfully obvious trap. It wasn’t like Skirata to miss something like that, but what worried Rav more was that normally, if Skirata had missed something, Vau would have been right there at his back to catch it.

But he wasn’t.

In fact, the more Rav watched, the more it became clear that something was very wrong between the two of them. Where there was usually a (mostly) amicable rivalry between the two, rife with casual insults and roughhousing, now there was a void that seemed to have put the whole team on edge without anyone realizing it. Tervho had almost blown up one of the twins on accident, for Manda’s sake. It didn’t bode well and Rav would be damned if she let her team down by not intervening.

Giving the landing bay one last glance, Rav jogged over to where Ahni was finishing some last minute checks on the ship. Pulling off her helmet, Rav ran a hand through her hair and said, “Ahn’ika, mind if I ask you a favor?”

Blushing slightly at the nickname, Ahni nodded, eyes flickering across Rav’s face, “Sure.”

“I need you to corner Skirata and get him to tell you what’s going on between him and Vau. There’s something off and I don’t like it.” Over the years, Rav had gotten much better at reading Ahni’s body language, actually finding it far more expressive than any other aspect of communication she used. As soon as Rav had mentioned Skirata and Vau, Ahni’s shoulders had pulled in slightly, her eyes glancing down and then to the left as her eyebrows pulled in slightly and the corner of her mouth dropped.

“I noticed it, too,” she murmured, closing the service hatch she’d been looking at and turning to face Rav. “They haven’t talked since they got back from Coruscant.”

That was a connection Rav hadn’t thought about, but now that Ahni mentioned it, Rav realized she was right. What the hell had happened on Coruscant? “Huh, yeah, you’re right. Well, if you can get Skirata to tell you what’s up, I’d really appreciate it. I’m going to at least make an attempt to bully something out of Vau, but you know how slippery that chakaar can be.” Rav moved to leave, but paused, turning back and rubbing a little nervously at the back of her neck. “Oh, and uh… thanks, Ahni. I really appreciate it.”

In reply, Ahni simply smiled, eyes brightening and freezing Rav in place until she’d walked past Rav and out of the hanger to go find Skirata.

\--

Rav realized immediately that she had no clue where Vau spent his off hours. She assumed he would be at home, but when she tried his apartment, no one answered. After that, it was just a matter of inundating his comm with messages until he finally broke. Surprisingly, it only took about ten messages for him to reply with a simple:  _ Crusader’s Tap _ . Raising an eyebrow as she read the name again, Rav tucked her comm away and headed towards the seedier districts of Keldabe.

_ What the hell is that idiot doing in a dive like that? _ Vau didn’t strike her as the type to go slumming, even if he was in some sort of weeks-long argument with Skirata. Double-checking to make sure she had her blasters, Rav moved through the bustling crowds, hopping on a speederbus and settling in for the ride. Even though she’d made the decision to bite whatever this was in the shebs before it got out of hand, Rav wasn’t really certain how she was going to approach the topic. For the several years that she’d known Vau, he’d been incredibly adept at outmaneuvering any and all attempts at learning more about his personal life. Most of the time he was so focused on trying to rile up Skirata he wouldn’t even engage in conversation with the rest of the squad. And when he did, it was always to insert a well-timed jab, insult, or frank observation. Talking to Walon Vau was like talking to a wall that knew all your worst fears: irritating, pointless, and likely to make you want to punch him.

Her stop came sooner than she would have liked and Rav slipped off the speederbus into a neighborhood that had certainly seen better days. There were the underlying nods to a rich culture on every corner, now shaded and grimy with age and poverty. Frowning, Rav made her way down the street, shrugging a little deeper into her jacket and keeping her eyes straight ahead. She’d grown up in a neighborhood like this, seen what harsh living did to people, turning them mean and cruel. Knowing that this was where Vau had decided to hole up only made her more determined to drag the truth out of him.

Luckily, the Crusader’s Tap wasn’t far from where she’d been dropped off and she quickly slipped inside. The interior was dark and smoky, the bar backlit with a nauseating combination of green and orange neon lights. Glaring at a pair of men eyeing her from a table beside the door, Rav pushed her way further in, glancing around for any sign of Vau. Luckily, he was easy to spot, armor swapped for something Rav was fairly sure she’d seen a model wearing in a particularly salacious issue of B&B, all sinfully tight blues and greys with enticing flashes of skin here and there. She might not be inclined towards the male gender, but even Rav could recognize raw sex appeal when she saw it. And, apparently, so could the man Vau was talking to at the bar, a scruffy looking human who was clearly intoxicated.

Frowning, Rav made her way to the bar, looming over Vau’s shoulder with a cold smile and catching Vau’s companion’s eye. Reaching up and squeezing Vau’s shoulder a little harshly, she said, “ _ There _ you are, vod. Been looking for you.”

The scruffy man who had been hitting on Vau met her gaze, cheeks reddening further as he grew irritated. Grabbing Vau’s wrist in what had to be a painful grip, the man sneered, “Back off, copika. This one’s mine.”

Smile growing a dangerous edge, Rav stepped forward, catching the man’s wrist and digging in with her fingertips until he was forced to let go of Vau. Twisting his arm and shoving forward, she growled, “I don’t think you want to get on my bad side, ori’jagyc, so  _ scram _ before I decide I want to see what my boot looks like planted in your shebs.”

To his credit, the man took one look at the fury in her eyes and did just that, scrambling back and away towards the door. Nodding in satisfaction, Rav turned back to Vau who was watching the whole scene with a mildly irritated expression. “I don’t know why you felt the need to practically break his wrist, captain.”

“He was being a creep and I need to talk to you.”

“Hmpf.” Vau waved the bartender over and ordered two pints of ne’tra gal. Once the glasses were set in front of them, Vau passed the man some credits and turned back to Rav. “I guess I’ve got nothing better to do. C’mon. There’s a booth in the back where we won’t be bothered.”

Rav grabbed her drink and followed Vau around the bar towards a shadowy corner. The booth Vau was heading for already had occupants, a human woman and two Rodians of indeterminate gender, but they quickly vacated after a pointed look from Vau. Gesturing with a mocking sweep of his arm for Rav to sit, Vau slid into the seat across from her and took a long draught from his glass. Setting it down, he fixed her with a purposefully bored look, drawling, “So, what does the captain need?”

Taking a sip of her own drink, Rav refused to play his game, taking her time before replying, “M’not your captain right now. Just a friend.”

“Oh, we’re friends now?”

“You really that surprised?” Rav leaned forward, studying the calculated way Vau was presenting himself, attempting to give off an air of disinterest and boredom. It was one of the things that made him so off-putting, the way he could effectively mimic whatever aura he wanted people to see while never giving away what he was really feeling. Just like with Ahni, however, years of working in close quarters had made him just a little easier to read. Right now, Vau was on guard. “You’re not  _ that _ unlikeable, Vau.”

A sneer slipped across his face. “There’s quite a few people who would disagree with you, captain.”

“It’s Rav, and I think you just like telling yourself that so you don’t have to think about the fact that some people actually give an osik about you.” Rav tried very hard not to congratulate herself on the shocked expression that had earned her, taking a slow sip of her ale while she let Vau think that one over. It took him a minute, the whole time his golden eyes almost frantically searching her face for something, before he seemed to reign himself back in and settle into an expression of cautious regard.

“Fine,  _ Rav _ . As a friend, what’s on your mind?” The words were dripping with that uniquely defensive brand of sarcasm that Vau tended to wield like a weapon, but Rav refused to let it get to her.

“Not much. I’ve just noticed that you and Skirata seem to be a little… off lately. Wondered if you had any thoughts on that.” She kept her tone light, eyes never leaving Vau’s face as he considered her.

“I don’t know what you mean. Skirata and I don’t get along all that well, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“Hmm…” Rav drummed her fingers on the table. “You’d certainly like it to seem that way, but I’ve never seen two warriors more in tune than the two of you. Not to mention, you spend more time together than a married couple.” She paused, noting a small twitch at the word ‘married.’ Eyebrows furrowing, Rav pressed, “Did something happen between you two?”

Vau was silent for a long while, grip tight on his glass as he seemed to be considering something. Rav waited, knowing that if he was going to talk to her, it would have to be in his own time. The silence dragged on, Rav slowly nursing her drink until Vau suddenly shifted, almost folding in on himself in a previously unseen show of full-body discomfort. “I… don’t actually know.”

Tilting her head slightly, Rav gave him another moment before asking, “You don’t know if something happened?”

Letting out a frustrated breath, Vau scowled at the table. “Skirata is just… The first time we met, I could tell Skirata was watching me. I think he was curious and that I made him frustrated. So I poked fun, got under his skin. It was a game. But recently… I don’t get Skirata at all. I don’t know what he wants. It’s…  _ infuriating _ . I don’t like not knowing what someone wants from me. And Skirata… one moment he’ll make it seem like he wants something from me and then next he’s mad. But not that burning, attractive kind of mad. More… cold, like he’s disappointed.”

“What do you mean?” Rav asked slowly, not wanting to accidentally break this almost surreal moment.

Vau took a long slow drink, as if gathering his thoughts, before continuing, “When we were on Coruscant, Askar had me run an undercover mission. There was a senator who he was pretty sure had been embezzling Senate funds, so he wanted me to get close and locate some information. So, I manipulated him into taking me back to his apartment and…  _ encouraged _ him to give me the information I needed.” Vau’s expression shifted slightly to something more confused. “When I got back, Skirata was… he was angry. Bitter? I don’t know. I figured he was jealous, so I pressed him and he just… stopped talking to me.”

It was disconcerting to hear someone normally so in control sound so lost. “Vau… have you thought about why this seems to bother you? Why what happened might have bothered  _ him _ ?”

“Why it…?” Vau looked at her for the first time, eyes searching for something in her expression. “I just want to know what he  _ wants _ ! I don’t understand--”

“But what do  _ you _ want, Vau?”

“It doesn’t  _ matter _ what I want!”

Silence fell between them, heavy and tense. Vau’s eyes were burning, face twisted in a grimace that spoke of old pain and trauma. For a long moment, Rav could only stare before trying, “Vau--”

Cutting her off, Vau spat, “People don’t do things out of the goodness of their hearts. They all  _ want something _ . You came here to talk to me because  _ you want _ the squad to work better together, not because you care about how I feel. Caring about people is just a pretty lie we tell ourselves so that we don’t have to feel bad about  _ using _ people to get what we want. But I know how it really works and I’m not going to pretend anything different.”

His words rang hollow in her ears, sounding desperate in the way of someone attempting to convince themselves that something was true despite evidence to the contrary. A cold anger curled in Rav’s gut, but she pressed it down, trying to keep her response even. “I think I understand you a little better, Vau.” He settled back, eyes still guarded as she continued, “You’re afraid.”

“What--?!”

“You’re  _ afraid _ of getting hurt. I don’t know what you’ve been through, and I’m not going to pretend to, but I can tell that someone, somewhere, betrayed your trust and completely broke whatever faith you had in the kindness of others. For that, I am truly sorry. No one should have that kind of trust broken so thoroughly. But…,” she took a slow breath, picking her words carefully as she caught and held his gaze, “that does  _ not _ mean you are blameless when you break that same trust for others. You might not believe it, but I think Skirata cares a great deal about you, and so far, you’ve only returned that trust by playing with his feelings like they don’t matter. That, Walon Vau, is cruel, and I don’t believe you’re a cruel person.”

“Heh,” Vau scoffed, holding her gaze with a pained and almost vulnerable look, “could have fooled me.”

Sighing, Rav pushed her near-empty glass aside, crossing her arms and leaning heavily against the table. “Vau, you are a good man. Hell, I’ve seen you with Mird, you love that strill like it was your own child. What makes that any different from caring about another person?”

“A strill doesn’t have ulterior motives. It’s smart, but simple in its needs and wants. People… aren’t.”

“Okay, so people are emotionally complicated. That’s not anyone’s fault. It’s a fact of life. And by that same logic, I know you can’t possibly be entirely a bitter, angry man who just sails through life taking what he wants and not giving a damn about the people he hurts along the way. Kriff, you wouldn’t have joined the Haat Mando’ade if you didn’t have some sort of drive to help people, deep down.” Rav tilted her head. “Am I wrong?”

Vau was silent, his face more open than Rav had ever seen it before. He looked tired, hurt, cautious, as if he were exposing all his nerve endings to a flame. Rav wished more than ever that she knew more about Vau’s life before he’d joined the Mando’ade, if only for some sort of insight into what had caused him to withdraw so far inside himself. For a brief moment, that flare of anger she had felt before reared its head and she recognized now that it was not directed at Vau himself, but rather whatever hu’tuun had done this. 

As the moment continued to stretch out, Vau seemingly unwilling, or unable, to offer more, Rav said gently, “Look, Vau, I don’t want to push you, but…” She paused, trying to arrange her thoughts. “Everything we do is the result of a choice we make, and that includes how we interact with others, how we interact with  _ ourselves _ . I’m not going to pretend that I fully understand how you came to the conclusions you have about the nature of people, but I do know that being selfish, using others, disregarding their feelings to protect your own… those are choices. And from where I’m standing, you seem to be choosing to live up to your own expectations of the world.”

Vau’s eyes seemed to look everywhere but at her as he shifted in his seat, physically drawing into himself. Rav took the fact that he wasn’t actively laughing or punching her as a good sign and continued. “Just think about it. I don’t expect you and Skirata to go back to the way things were. Actually, I’d kind of prefer if they didn’t, considering that’s pretty much the reason we’re sitting here right now. But maybe try and, I don’t know, mention your frustrations to Skirata? He might not understand right away, but he’ll at least listen. He’s not an absolute shabuir.” Vau snorted and chuckled lightly, which Rav counted as a win. “Don’t laugh, you  _ know _ I’m right. So… what do you say?”

There was a long moment in which Rav thought she might need to resort to Plan B (punch his lights out and lock both of Vau and Skirata in a room until they sorted this all out), but then Vau gave another breathy chuckle and glanced up, a shimmer of his usual confidence back. “You drive a hard bargain, captain.”

“I’ve been told I’m an utter taskmaster.”

“Fine. I’ll… consider talking to Skirata,” Vau offered before polishing off his pint and adding, “After all, it would be a shame if Vhonte actually managed to blow one of us up.”

“I appreciate your heroic sacrifice.” Finishing off her own drink, Rav slid out of the seat and stretched a little. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

A sudden crash drew both their attention, followed by a pained shout. Immediately on guard, Rav reached for her blaster, scanning the bar for the source of the sound, gaze landing on a slowly widening circle of people gathered around the door. Checking to see that Vau was on her heels, Rav began elbowing her way to the front of the crowd, shoving patrons aside until she could see what was happening. When she did, Rav almost had to do a double take. Ahni stood in the midst of three rough looking men, the ones who had given Rav an unpleasant look when she’d arrived. She had her “don’t kriffing try me” face on, which the men apparently didn’t have the collective brains to be scared of because they all had some variation of the same disgustingly lascivious look on their faces.

“Oh dear,” Vau said lowly, but undeniably delighted. “Should we stop her, or…?”

Rav could see Ahni’s hand twitching towards her retracted electrostaff and sighed, knowing that things were going to get really ugly if she didn’t step in now. Elbowing her way into the cleared circle, Rav called, “Ahni, let ‘em be. They’re not worth the effort.”

At the sound of her voice, Ahni turned, pouting slightly even as her body relaxed from it’s pre-fight stance. Almost as quickly, however, Ahni’s expression shifted back to anger as she glanced over Rav’s shoulder. Taken aback, Rav could do nothing but stumble to the side as Ahni marched past her and right up to Vau. Without so much as a warning, Ahni was dragging Vau down by the front of his shirt, pulling her free hand back, and punching him full-force in the face.

Silence reigned in the Crusader’s Tap as Vau sagged in Ahni’s grasp, eyes wide with pain and surprise. Expression hardened, Ahni pulled Vau bodily upright, staring into his confused eyes as she said, “Walon Vau, you are an absolute  _ dik’ut _ .” Then, to the collective surprise and confusion of all present, she pulled him down into a fierce hug.

From over Ahni’s shoulder, Vau shot Rav a panicked look, his right eye and cheek already showing signs of what promised to be a rather impressive black eye. Shrugging, Rav glanced around at the dumbstruck crowd before stepping over to lay a hand on Ahni’s shoulder. “Okay, vod. Let’s take this outside.”

Steering her two squad members out into the darkened, blissfully empty street, Rav turned to Ahni with a questioning look. “So… what the kriff was that about?”

Ahni glanced at Vau, studying his face with a critical eye. “Skirata told me about the two of you,” she said slowly, catching Vau’s gaze and holding it pointedly. “He mentioned some of the  _ things _ you’ve said to one another, and frankly, I think you’re both acting like karking adike.”

All the blood seemed to have drained from Vau’s face as he processed Ahni’s words, watching her as if she might attack him at any moment. Rav stood to the side, glancing between the two with a raised eyebrow. “What do you mean, ‘things they’ve said’? What have they said?”

Vau looked about ready to pass out, holding eye contact with Ahni until he crumbled. “Then there was an, uh…” he coughed awkwardly, glancing to the side so that he didn’t have to look at either of them. “An  _ incident _ about five years ago. We, uh… We might have gotten very, very drunk and, uh,  _ handsy _ , and we might have said the marriage vows.”

That was  _ not _ what Rav had been expecting. Blinking several times, she had to fight the instinct to blurt out an incredulous ‘what?!’ Instead, she took a slow breath, and said, “That’s… was that…?”

“It definitely wasn’t on purpose,” Vau grumbled, shifting from foot to foot like the child Ahni was accusing him of being. “We didn’t-- _ haven’t _ \--talked about it and I don’t want to, but…” Here he sighed, deflating a little as he mumbled, “We were young and stupid and I honestly didn’t even realize he remembered.”

“Wow.” Rav crossed her arms, leaning back on one foot as she considered him. “You two are an absolute  _ mess _ .”

“That is an understatement,” Ahni muttered, a soft, if not mildly exasperated smile on her face. Glancing sidelong up at Rav, her smile stretched into a downright devious grin. “But we will help them to fix this, right?”

Giving Ahni a smirk of her own, Rav ignored the look of dread on Vau’s face as she wrapped an arm around Ahni’s shoulder and replied, “Oh, you can be sure of that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Also, for those who are curious, B&B (aka Butts and Beskar, the Mandalorian Playboy) is the invention of [fandumbandflummery](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandumbandflummery/pseuds/fandumbandflummery) in their work [Pinup Boy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10741296). If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it!


End file.
